Picks up her new computer tomo…
Picks up her new computer tomorrow – thank you, research grant!
Archive for September, 2009
Me & HD
Alright, so I’ve got a huge crush on Sean Nelson. I’ve been in this state of being all 8th-grade-y about it for weeks. And I’m okay with that. I know that it’s neither unhealthy nor permanent, so I’m sitting it out for the time being. And really, there’s something sort of pleasant and amusing about having someone you don’t know and can’t know occupy your waking thoughts. At other times, it’s extremely frustrating. There’s something especially maddening about following a Twitter feed that seems impossibly intimate and also unreal. Worst of all, this is pretty much the only worthwhile information out there. When I was younger, I really could spend whole days digging up information about my then-crush Soundgarden (as a whole organism) and reading about them, looking at pictures, hunting down bootlegs, and the like. When you’re 26, and it’s a fairly obscure band, the searches aren’t so fruitful, and the internet runs out of the informational opium that both stokes and tamps the fire.
Like the nerd I’ve always been, this is a data crush like all the rest. Obsessing over Soundgarden was always less about seeing Chris Cornell shirtless than gathering an impossible amount of factoids. Then, when you suspend your disbelief a hair, it’s almost – almost – like you know the band. I once had a dream that Kim Thayil and Chris Cornell came over to my house and I fed them lemonade and we hung out in my back yard. This is the very pinnacle of crush success – a dream that fulfills my every fantasy. I don’t lust after physical encounters – I lust after people I respect enjoying my company and friendship. It’s ego-masturbatory. It’s the fantasy that I’m an interesting, worthwhile person. It’s the fantasy of being completely comfortable in social situations, even those in which I should probably be more star-struck than cool. And it’s the fantasy that I can be part of something I’ve completely lost, but still feels so elemental to my composition – Seattle rock music.
This morning, I had my lemonade-analogous dream about Sean Nelson. The dream had lots of parts, but the meat of it was that I Sean and I were in the same class, oddly at UCLA. Actually, it was Steve Luck’s, and he was teaching cognitive neuroscience, and I think several other Seattle rock figureheads were in the class as well. Anyway, I tripped in front of Sean after class (admittedly a ruse to get his attention) and he helped me off the ground. We ended up hitting it off, and walked to where ever we were going together. We had lots of witty repartee, and I did a great job of not seeming like I wanted to hang out that much. He tried to take me on a shortcut through campus somewhere that involved climbing up a big bridge/tunnel, and then back down the other side. Unfortunately, the other side didn’t let us off at ground level, but spiraled further and further underground until we were in this big cavern and it was too steep to get back out the way we came. This is where it gets a little Goonies-esque, as the cavern contained only a rickety old piano. So Sean played a little piano (nothing in particular) and three doors opened up behind us. This is as close as it gets to lusty – I pecked him on the cheek, realized it was really awkward, and apologized profusely. We walked into the only one of the doors that had any light coming out, and ended up in a basement apartment full of sunshine, and no one home. We opened another door (in the apartment) and found a bunch of old-timey vagabonds in something like a cave saloon. Turns out there’s a whole underground city (presumably subterranean Los Angeles) of people who were trapped there forever. We had to give up our cell phones and money as means of barter, but then decided we would try to walk out of the cave instead of settling there. And then I woke up.
I’ve been sort of miserable about this all day. It was such a perfect dream in that I behaved all calm, cool, and collected, and someone I really admire found me worthy of his company. And that’s all there is to it. I have to wake up and tell myself that I can do that with all the people actually in my life, and that there’s nothing particularly worth knowing about any of these famous people I sometimes settle on. They’re just people too, and given that I’m rather picky about my friends, there’s no telling that I’d get along with any of these people. But something about being human, about the nature of celebrity, about fame and notability and desirability, dictates that people you’d pay money to see are people you’d want to know. And there just aren’t that many things in my life I really want, and really can’t and shouldn’t have.
I can’t think of any other time I crave the forbidden. Not only will I never run into any of these people in normal circumstances, the amount of thought I’ve already put into it makes it taboo to even hope to try. For these reasons, I can never say hello or get the autograph on anyone I really follow. It’s the same reason I bought a Yuma, AZ hat (with a cartoon Wylie Coyote on it!) at a thrift store in Midway 10 years ago, that I’ve carried with me through several moves, and even brought to a number of concerts, but have never had the gall to ask Damien Jurado to sign it. I’m sure Damien would be happy to sign it. I’m just as sure it’s rather presumptuous to ask for any of his time. And when it comes right down it it, I’ve done the one thing that is most likely to make it impossible to ever meet or run into any of the people I adore – I moved out of state 8 years ago. I have not been a Washington resident in any capacity since I moved to England and my parents left the state – a full 4 years ago. And I have no plans to move home; I’m in a PhD program and will be for the next 5 or 6 years. And I’ll spend my time in California leading a completely happy, healthy, successful life. And always feel a little bit like I’ve accidentally lost something that made me very happy – home.
Los Angeles
It’s been a while since I’ve written. Just didn’t seem like daily blogging was the recipe for my summer. But I did want to post a little recap of my Los Angeles vacation. I wrote this on the train home. Perhaps I’ll do another post of pictures from the road trip portion – I foolishly took none in LA except at the wedding!
Amtrak. Friday. 8:00 pm. Somewhere between Salinas and San Jose. Shaky writing, but done with a distinct feeling of relaxed self-satisfaction.
We should be in Davis in 4 hours or so, wrapping up our ludicrously successful vacation. I can’t believe how much we’ve done. Mom and Dad met us Davis last Saturday, and we drove to Tahoe to see Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, and the Wiyos play. It was a neat show – good to see Bob, and an excellent introduction to Willie. mom was very pleased to be doing this for our anniversary / Lewis’ birthday.
Drove to Bishop the next day, and saw much beautiful scenery en route. Bishop was extremely cute – a tiny town all alone in the high desert. Next day we drove to San Diego via Mt. Whitney, which was quite a sight to see. I was very impressed with the entire range there – starkly beautiful granite faces rising abruptly from the floor of the arid Owen’s Valley. Also saw Mono Lake – beautiful but surprisingly alkaline, thus pungent and seemingly less-than-salubrious. A lake best enjoyed photographically.
San Diego was nice per usual – saw grandparents & cousins, and had an above-average visit with Mom & Dad. It’s good to have time to warm up to Mom; our visits lately have always been too short for me to overcome my testiness at being mothered. This trip was just right. Stayed something like three days and then caught the train up Friday to LA, where Lewis met me (he had gone up a day earlier for bachelor party fun).
First few days in LA were occupied primarily with wedding stuff. Friday was the rehearsal and dinner. It was a bit chaotic, as the pageantry of a conservative Jewish wedding is somewhat complicated. Lewis and a bridesmaid, Meredith, were assigned the small balcony to decorate, which was serving as the retreat space required for the couple to have some minutes of quiet time between the ceremony and reception. We spent the greater part of Saturday searching out materials (plates, food, a book of poetry) for their comfort.
That evening we had tickets to see Harvey Danger play at the Largo on their farewell tour. The Largo seats only a few hundred people, but it’s a theater, so the set up was both intimate and somewhat awkward. They have “a strict no talking policy”, and the whole timbre of the show was a little like the band playing a show in their own fantasy, and the audience looking in from outside. They did not disappoint, however, and I spent a good portion of the show chuckling at Sean Nelson who was doing his best to be both amusing and acerbic. The best part of the show was certainly the second half, in which they took requests only if properly prefaced by an “interesting question”. The band’s working definition of “interesting” was quite strict, thus there was more mocking the audience than playing requests, and those questions which were answered rarely were done so with focus on veracity. What made the night truly unforgettable was the after-show, in an as yet smaller theater. We had great seats here, and the show took the form of a jam between friends – Sean did several songs accompanying himself on piano, and Shana Levy (ex Rilo Kiley) played. The best sets were with Jon Bryon and an excellent pianist backing Sean, doing audience requests of classic rock songs – I remember “Maybe I’m Amazed” and the Monkee’s “Porpoise Song” specifically. It was really wonderful, and left me feeling both touched and lucky. Harvey Danger will be truly missed, but I can console myself with the knowledge that what I always loved most about Harvey was Sean, and I have no doubt he will remain in the public eye in some capacity. (I also forgot to mention the hilarious introduction John Hodgman recorded for the band – a word-for-word copy of the introduction Bob Dylan is using on his tour!)
The following afternoon, we saw Gabe and Melanie get married. The ceremony was beautiful, the weather fine, and the company superb. All Lewis’ old roommates were present, and even happily attached to lovely girlfriends. There was much bonding and dancing – we danced the horah for at least half an hour! This big group closed the night out – dancing till midnight and finally leaving out of pity for the exhausted bride and groom, and our own sore selves. Both this night and the previous filled me with blissful, life-affirming thoughts and I felt more connected with life and love and the universe than I have in some time.
The remainder of our trip was occupied with seeing friends. We met our old lab manager, Laura, on Melrose and shopped. We moved in with Sepideh and Cyrus for a few nights, and spent very much quality time together. Getting to know Sepi better first-hand was certainly one of the highlights of the trip. She’s a truly kind and interesting person, and a very good friend to have. We also managed a trip to Zankou Chicken + Amoeba to stock up on records. Nearly the whole group of boys from the wedding was there, and it was really amusing to watch a group of music school kids all shopping together in the jazz section. We had dinner with Sepi on Sawtell (tiny Japanese restaurant strip in West LA) and met Nick & Suzanne at Beard Papa to catch up. Beard Papa has some seriously delicious cream puffs, and Nick Martin is one of the best conversationalists I’ve ever met. We also managed to see Chris and Ashley for dinner. He cooked us exciting Mexican fare – shrimp and cactus!
Finally, we finished up our week with Devin. We went out to dim sum (in my old neighborhood!) at the Empress, and got coffee downtown. Greg joined us for dinner at Father’s Office, which was delicious but somewhat snooty. Greg & Dev were as always hilarious and I laughed a good deal all day. Got to hear lots about Devin’s escapades as a somewhat newly outed gay man in West Hollywood, and Greg amused us with jokes on the same topic. It’s lovely to have college friends still living in LA to remember good times with.
Life in LA was wonderful. We saw campus – including the new cinema building, and even visited with our old advisor, Joyce! Campus made me proud to be an alum, as did seeing all the neat things our fellow alumni are up to. LA itself has changed remarkably little since we left. We saw most all of our old haunts, and even ate at the Brite Spot twice! I had to force myself not to pontificate on the wonders of LA and how much I love it’s streets, people, drivers, and scenery. I saw with ease how we could come back some day for another extended portion of our lives – if we could ever get employment in the area. LA is full of love and life in a way I never found in the Bay Area. I am looking forward to coming home to Davis, but I do so knowing I left a piece of my heart in the streets of LA, and the smallest corner in Sean Nelson’s foppish breast pocket.
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