High Anxiety
I think a good metaphor for my grumpy and uncomfortable position lately might be “life vertigo”. I got to this place I always wanted to be, and now I’ve got no hand holds, no railings, and no one to follow. This surely isn’t a good thing, it just seems to be freaking me out. I never really planned ahead for being where I am. A bit like always playing the lotto and then one day winning, and having no idea what to do with yourself any more.
I got invited to give a talk to a student-run forum of phonologists and phoneticists at Berkeley and I’m not sure what at all to do with that. On one hand, I don’t have any phonology research of the empiricle bent to present to these students in the next few months. On the other hand, I’m deep in the murky depths of this theoretical phonology paper, and that might be interesting to share. Provided I have some conclusion hammered out before that point. Which is part of what’s making me so cranky this week… I’m definitely at an impass on my QP research and feeling fairly overlooked by the professor who is supposed to be overseeing that. But I think a little distance and some time to think about it will do me some good. Anyway, not sure what I’m going to tell Berkl folks at the moment, but it’s an interesting opportunity, and I’ve been invited to attend the ongoing events. So if nothing of my own presentation happens, I could at least attempt to make some connections and see what folks are up to over there. Unfortunately their meetings are at a really inconvenient time, at least for me to be in Berkeley. *shrug*
Other less exciting things happened today. I went to the dentist and got a thumbs up from everyone. I went to my morning neuroscience class and felt pretty uninspired, but I partially (or perhaps even mostly?) blame that on my neuroscience midterm ennui from yesterday and my professor’s lack of preparation or enthusiasm this morning (he had just flown in from San Diego before class). Made it through that, and I had intended to catch the very-much-seeming-important colloquia on “the functional anatomy of auditory processing” but I failed on that count. It’s information I can gather elsewhere, and my mind was too burned out and unfocused for it to have done me much good. Besides, it was the only chunk of time I had to get lunch before the dentist. And goodness, getting to the dentist was a mess. Sacramento isn’t really made for rain squalls… the freeway just about whited out and started flooding almost immediately. I was really glad I only had a few miles left to go, and escaped the majority of the hard rain on the way home as well.
So I came home, made brownies, and watched movies on TV all night. I just didn’t have it in me to be doing any more work. I’m really just about at the end of my wick for whatever reason. It feels like my restful night was already beneficial, if I may judge by my current state of relative complacency. I think that’s a sure sign that I need to take it easy this weekend and prepare myself for my last midterm, and second half of this quarter. Phew. I’m ready for summer vacation already.. but I suppose I can at least look forward to spring break. 5 more weeks?